


Waiting

by inner_tempest



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21712819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inner_tempest/pseuds/inner_tempest
Summary: “Well I’ll wait for you.”“Don’t be silly.”“I’m not.  I will wait for you until this damn war ends.  You can’t escape me, Adil Joshi.”There was a heavy silence, both men refusing to break eye contact.  Finally, Adil looked away, looking down at the bed.  “Let’s be realistic, Toby,” he said, barely above a whisper.Toby shook his head.  “I am being so.  You wait.  You’ll come back and I’ll still be here waiting for you.”
Relationships: Toby Hamilton/Adil Joshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> I've really been missing writing Adoby in regular times. As much fun as decades are, and modern stuff with my dear SzonKlin, I just haven't written these two in their proper time.
> 
> So this is a short little, unbeta-ed one-shot set in regular time. I hope it isn't too bad or awful or anything. I enjoyed writing it, and it also gave me some other ideas. You may be getting a few more one-shots between chapters of As Time Goes By.
> 
> Boys are not mine. :(

When things should have been getting better, they were getting much worse.

Toby and Adil had made amends in their own way…thinking that it would get them back on the right path, together, as a couple in love. But it turned out it didn’t work that way. Adil felt the pain of the things Toby had said to him when he dismissed him from the Halcyon…what he had done that could have sent him to jail, or worse. Toby still felt the guilt of being responsible for Adil’s attempted suicide. Instead of using these things to grow together, the two men only grew apart.

Adil enlisted without telling Toby. Part of it was not knowing how to tell it either way. Part of it was figuring it would be easier that way.

It was just another night of fighting when it finally slipped from Adil’s mouth. “I’m enlisting,” he finally admitted.

Toby stared at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“After everything I did…I need to make up for it. I need to get away from here, Toby. And…I’m so tired of just _fighting_ all the time. We need to stop pretending we can make this work.”

“Adil…” Toby whispered. “No, please no…we’ll find a new way, some way to fix things. Please don’t, you can’t…you can’t go out there!”

The two men stared at each other, tears in their eyes. “I have to do this, Toby. I have to.”

“Well I’ll wait for you.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not. I will wait for you until this damn war ends. You can’t escape me, Adil Joshi.”

There was a heavy silence, both men refusing to break eye contact. Finally, Adil looked away, looking down at the bed. “Let’s be realistic, Toby,” he said, barely above a whisper.

Toby shook his head. “I am being so. You wait. You’ll come back and I’ll still be here waiting for you.”

Another moment. Adil stood. “Toby-”

“Write to me, will you? Please. Just…every now and then.”

Adil nodded. “I love you, Toby.”

“I love you too, Adil.”

Adil left the room. Toby waited when he was _surely_ gone to fully break down, tears streaming down his cheeks and undignified sobs.

He couldn’t even hear Adil on the other side of the door, crying just as hard, though softer, as to be safe.

***

_Dear Toby,_

_Honestly, things on the front lines haven’t changed that much. I know I said I’d write you letters, but it’s getting harder and harder. I find I don’t have much to write about, and what little free time I have I just try to relax, to pretend I’m not in the middle of a damn war. I’m sure I’ve said this to you many times by now, but I just want you to know why it’s this boring whenever I write. At least you know I’m not dead._

_Thank you for the funny story about Tom. Poor guy…some things you just have to learn, I suppose. But it sounds like he’s doing well as head barman. ~~Please send him my regards.~~ As much as I’d like you to send him my regards, I guess there’s no real way to do it without raising the question as to why you’re talking to me and all the questions that would follow._

_I think about you all the time, Toby. I’m not naïve enough to think you’re actually going to wait for me, but that doesn’t make the pain any less._

_Yours,  
Adil_

***

_Dear Adil,_

_I don’t care if the letters are boring. I like your handwriting, your way of phrasing things, knowing you’re still alive out there. Do you even recognize how beautiful your handwriting is? I love the way your g’s, j’s, and y’s swoop. It’s so elegant, so befitting of you. I know you’re going to laugh at that statement, but it’s true. It makes me think of your fingers. So delicate but precise and good with details. The way they could make my body sing…_

_I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put that in. I know you’re still so convinced that I’m not going to wait, but I am. There’s no one else I could possibly spend my life with. This war is going to end someday, and you’re going to come home…to me._

_I’m glad you liked the story. Tom is proving plenty interesting, but fully capable. I’d much prefer him over many others that were interviewed. Hiring internally was certainly the best way to go._

_I think of you so much, Adil. And I pray every night. I don’t really believe in God, but someone has to hear me and keep you safe._

_Yours,  
Toby_

***

Even after all this time, it was strange being at the bar without Adil there. Toby still wanted so desperately to see his old lover, his rich skin color and the secret smile he reserved just for Toby. Of course, he also hated himself for everything he had put Adil through. If it wasn’t for everything he had done, the other man would still be there, with him.

Tom slid a whisky over to Toby. “Alright today, sir?” he asked with a smile.

Toby observed the glass for a moment. “Every day I wish for this bloody war to be over. For… _people_ to come home safely.”

“I suppose you very much worry about Lord Hamilton.”

“Yes,” Toby didn’t miss a beat. “That I do.”

_And Adil. The most perfect man I’ve ever known. The man who makes me happiest, who has always made my life better by being in it._

_I’m so sorry I messed up, Adil._

“We just have to hope they’ll be home soon,” Tom said with a nod before going to help a woman on the other side of the bar.

Toby slipped his hand into his jacket pocket, feeling the most recent letter from Adil. It was already crumpled and wrinkled from being read and held tight. All his letters from Adil looked like that. He would carry one around with him for ages, until the next one came. Then the other would be locked in his desk drawer with the others, ready to be taken out and read, to trace the words written by the man he loved.

Did Adil really doubt him? Toby hoped not. Even after anything, he would do anything for him. He’d wait for him, he’d wait forever. Adil would get home from the war and Toby would be there, ready to have him again. Maybe distance really was necessary…it was possible, of course, though Toby certainly wished it didn’t take a war for it. Why couldn’t Adil just stayed safely with his family? Or…something that didn’t involve staring death in the face every day. Anything.

Slowly sipping the whisky, Toby kept his eyes trained on the bar. He hated every second of this. He wanted to know that Adil was okay. That he wasn’t in mortal danger every second of every day. He thought about his lover’s smile. His laughter, how Toby would have to cover both their mouths when they were in his hotel room so no one passing by would hear their laughter.

He thought about the mistakes he had made. How things had just gotten worse after he had saved Adil’s life. How things were supposed to get _better_ after that…their love reaffirmed and a fresh start.

Distance.

Toby didn’t want to be here anymore. He downed the rest of his whisky, nodding at Tom before heading upstairs to his room, making sure he kept his gaze down as not to invite any conversation or interaction in general. It wasn’t that late, just nine o’clock, but Toby was completely exhausted. Days took more and more energy anymore, and the man hated it. Someone _had_ to know something was wrong, even if no one said anything. Such was the way of their type of people, Toby supposed.

As soon as he got into his room and the door securely locked, Toby unlocked his desk drawer, pulling out the pile of letters from Adil. There were a decent amount of letters there, after two full years of Adil being away. Toby couldn’t help but wonder if Adil kept all the letters from _Toby._

_Dear Toby,_

_Dear Toby,_

_Dear Toby,_

_Yours,  
Adil_

***

_Dear Toby,_

_I know it’s been some time since I wrote. I was caught in a blast and spent some time in a hospital healing. Of course, they sent me right back as soon as I was well. I promise it was nothing too serious…I just have a little scar on my side now. That’s probably why they sent me back into it all. As much as I wish it wasn’t like that, I’m grateful it wasn’t that bad. I’ve seen men die in those blasts. I’ve seen men die in hospitals from infections from wounds like this. It made me think about a lot. But…mostly just you._

_They’re saying the war is taking a turn. Things are looking better and better for the allies every day. Who knows, I could be back home within the year. As much as I sometimes regret my decision to enlist, I also don’t. I messed up, Toby. So bad. I know we’ve had this discussion, but I had to pay my due with everything I did. But things are different now. I’ve done it all…it’s time for me to come home._

_When I get home, I know things will be very different. I know you said you were going to wait for me. And although we’ve been waiting this whole time, I still don’t know if you actually waited for me. I’m sure you did. I’m not sure I deserve it._

_Will you still love a broken former soldier? I’m not the person I was, Toby. I know you can be a dreamer…you have to know this, though._

_Yours,  
Adil_

***

_Dear Adil,_

_As much as you tried to play it off, I cried reading that you got hit. God, I’m going to kiss that scar a million times when you’re back in my bed. Is this you trying to convince me you’re not worth it? Or…I don’t even know. I don’t care about any of that. Of course, I have been scared senseless, not having heard from you for so long. I feared the worst, which I’m sure you understand._

_What would I do if you died, Adil? I’m honestly not sure if I’d be able to go on. It kills me that I could never mourn for you in the open. I’d have to keep it to silent sobbing in my room, secret trips to the cemetery. Please, please don’t die, Adil. I can’t lose you. I can’t pretend in this damn world that you mean nothing to me. You are my everything, Adil. That hasn’t changed._

_Of course I’ve waited for you. I told you I would. Even when the letters are short, or there’s nothing of substance, I still know you’re out there, with a pen, writing a letter to me. I still love you, and I know you still love me. That’s why we’ll always find a way to be together._

_I don’t care if you’re “broken”. I will fix you. I will spend every moment of every day worshipping you. You deserve all that and more._

_Yours,  
Toby_

***

_Dear Toby,_

_I’m coming home! Of course, you know the war is over. And they kept us around for a bit…there are a lot of messes to clean up and that sort of fell to us, but I’ll be back in London in three week’s time. And if you’ll still have me…I would like to meet up with you. We can talk, and maybe figure out where we go from here. The two of us, together. If you’ll still have me. I know I keep saying that, but it’s very important._

_I’ll be able to phone soon, and we can figure out where we can meet, if you still want to. I’m trying not to get my hopes up…please don’t take that as an insult, I’m just very frightened about all of this. I’m shattered. And I know you’re the one to pick up the pieces, if you think you could possibly stand to. You deserve so much more._

_But now you know. And I promise I’ll phone as soon as I’m able to. I can’t wait to see you again._

_Yours,  
Adil_

***

Every moment in the hotel, Toby anxiously awaited the phone call from Adil. He didn’t know when it would come in, but he was determined to be ready whenever it did.

Toby was slightly terrified. Even after all the waiting, all the letter writing…what if they really _couldn’t_ make it work. That was always a possibility. They had failed miserably before Adil left. But things had changed, hadn’t they? They had a better understanding of the importance of each other in their lives. As two people who loved each other.

How could Toby _not_ wait?

Things were getting harder to do and the days dragged on as Toby waited to hear from Adil. Every time his phone rang, the man jumped, only to be disappointed that the call was _not_ from the other man. Even the calls that he was waiting for, such as job opportunities, just felt like an annoyance while he was waiting for Adil.

Toby was attempting to read the newspaper when the phone rang, making him jump as it always did. He scrambled to pick it up. “Hello?”

“Toby?”

Toby’s breath caught. It was the voice he had been dreaming of for five years. “Adil,” he said breathily. “Hello.”

Adil laughed nervously. “Oh God, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

“And your’s.”

There was a moment of silence, and Toby realized there were tears dripping down his face. He had been waiting for this moment for _ages_ , and now he had no idea what to say. Adil sniffed on the other side of the line, obviously crying as well.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” Adil said softly. “And now I don’t even know what to say.”

“Me neither,” Toby admitted. “But you’re sure you still want to see me?”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. There’s a little café by King’s Cross…it’s called The Buttery. Their croissants are divine. Tomorrow, maybe? Around two?”

“I’ll see you there.”

Toby wiped away the tears that were falling again. “Thank you, Adil…for coming back to me.”

“I should have known you’d truly be stubborn enough to wait.”

Both men laughed at this…it felt good to be laughing together again. “Well you know me best, so you certainly should have known.”

“I will see you tomorrow, Toby.”

“Until then.”

They hung up at the same time. Toby felt a bubble of happiness in his chest. After everything, he would get to see Adil again. And hopefully more. If he shut his eyes, he could imagine holding Adil again. Kissing him, being with him. Being in _love_ with him. Not that that had ever actually changed.

Tomorrow. It would all go back to the way it should be.

***

Adil was the first to arrive at the café. He waited anxiously outside of the building, feeling the need to fidget a bit. What if Toby didn’t show? No, that was ridiculous, of course Toby was going to stay. He had just gotten caught up in something. Toby was like that…once he got involved, there was no interrupting him.

As Adil turned again, he saw Toby quickly approaching. The two men caught eyes and Toby rushed over quicker. They both knew they couldn’t even embrace in public, but the look in both their eyes made it clear they wanted nothing more.

“Toby.”

“Adil.”

Nervous grins broke out on their faces and they moved in to each other as much as they could. “You waited,” Adil could barely believe it, but then again, how could he ever second guess Toby?

“I told you I would,” Toby gave Adil the toothy smile he loved so much.

Adil laughed. He had missed this. “Well come on, let’s go in.”

They ordered coffee and a couple kinds of biscuits and found a table in a back corner. It would allow them some privacy. Once they got settled in, the two of them played with their coffee cups, glancing up and catching eyes before looking down, slightly flushed.

“I’ve been dreaming of this for so many years,” Toby finally said softly. “And now I’m at a complete loss for words.”

“You waited for me.”

“I told you I would. I love you, Adil. I could never be with anyone else. I’ve always known it, even with…everything that happened.”

“I was half afraid your mother would force some aristocratic woman on you. I’d get back and you’d be married, though surely unhappily.”

Toby chuckled. “Believe me, she tried. You’re not the only one who has dealt with my stubbornness.”

“So the past few years…”

“ _No_ ,” Toby shook his head. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about the past five years. First we need to talk about now. About _us_.”

With a deep breath, Adil looked down at the table before looking back up at Toby. “I forgive you, Toby. For everything. I know you feel guilty, but you don’t need to. Not anymore. Do you forgive me?”

Toby’s eyes swam with tears. “Of course I forgive you Adil. I know neither of us were completely in the right or wrong, but…” he trailed off, rubbing away the tears that had started down his face. “I just want to be with you again. If you forgive me, please tell me you can give me that much.”

“You waited for me. I didn’t think you would.”

There was a heavy pause. Toby opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. “Every night I went to sleep thinking of you, and every morning I woke up thinking of you. Any spare moment I had…and I saved all your letters. I don’t want a life without you, Adil. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Toby-”

“I love you.”

Despite the tears, both men gave hesitant smiles. “We can make it work,” Adil said softly. “I’m sorry it took a war to figure that out, but at least it came at all. I love you too, Toby. And I’ll love you forever if you let me.”

Toby smiled. Even if they couldn’t show it physically, that smile said it all.

***

Toby and Adil sat in the sitting room of their flat, Adil on Toby’s lap and Toby’s arms around Adil’s waist. Shortly after Adil returned from the war, Toby had moved out of the Halcyon and Adil with him. He had nowhere else to go, and had actually spent a terrifying couple weeks sneaking in and out of Toby’s hotel room.

It had taken some time for the two men to sort through everything they had been through, before and during the war and of course, the after they were now living in. It had taken some tear filled nights, reliving some of the hurts from years ago that needed to be addressed. In some ways, the war had been a necessary thing. It had separated Toby and Adil long enough to prove they could never be apart.

“Thank you,” Adil said softly, leaning back into Toby’s embrace.

“What for?” Toby kissed Adil’s temple lightly.

“You waited for me. I didn’t know if you actually would sometimes.”

“You’re worth the wait, Adil. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times.”

Adil gave a soft chuckle. “Either way, I never thought I’d be here again. I love you, Toby Hamilton.”

“I love you too, Adil Joshi. I always have, and I always will.”

The dying embers in the fireplace flickered, but neither man wanted to move to start the fire. Not that it especially mattered…they didn’t even need the fire to keep them warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for your kudos and comments and endless support!


End file.
